Group D

Portugal

This marks Portugal's third appearance at the World Cup. They are eager to atone for their disastrous 2002 campaign in which they finished bottom of their group.

World Cup Pedigree: So-so. Made the semi-finals in 66, led by the legendary Eusebio. Failed to impress in 86 and floundered in 2002.

Strengths: Lots of talent at many different positions, particularly in attack, with the likes of Luis Figo, Deco and Cristiano Ronaldo supplying prolific forward Pauleta.

Weaknesses: Shaky goalkeeper situation. Quim and Ricardo are vying for the job and neither has convinced.

Star Man: Manchester United winger Cristiano Ronaldo combines speed and a superb touch with a willingness to beat his man every time. Very dangerous down the flanks.

Entertainment Value: 8. Have some quality players and like to push forward.

Country's Cultural Contributions: Henry the Navigator knew how to get around.

Fun Fact: Brazilian coach Luis "Big Phil" Scolari is a dead ringer for Gene Hackman.

Expectations: High. Made the finals of Euro 2004 and expect that their talent will lead them to similar heights this time.

The Prognosis: Portugal's talent is unquestionable, but that was also the case in 2002 when they found themselves down 3-0 in the first half to the United States. They never recovered from that shock defeat and went home in disgrace. The current side have many players left over from Portugal's "golden generation" of footballers that achieved success at youth level in the early 90s, and they will be eager to deliver. Coach Scolari is no stranger to success, having coached Brazil to the trophy in 2002. Practically a lock to qualify from the first round, but not likely to make a splash against more stout competition in the later rounds.

Angola

Another surprise first-time qualifier from Africa, Angola are eager to show the world that they are no joke and will be especially motivated to battle former colonizers Portugal.

Is it me or do they look really old? Why is the white guy slightly more to the left? Can't we all just get along?

World Cup Pedigree: Nada

Strengths: Strong in defense. Element of surprise, as they are new to the finals. Ugly jerseys could throw off opponents.

Weaknesses: No real playmakers to feed the scorers.

Star Player: Striker Akwa has a nose for goals and scored some crucial ones in qualifying.

Entertainment Value: 5. Very defensive-minded.

Country's Cultural Contributions: Fucked if I know any.

Fun Fact: Angola was a colony of Portugal, which is fun only if you're Portuguese. Many of Angola's players live and play in Portugal, so the team will be especially motivated to win. A similar scenario motivated the Senegalese to their shock win over France in 2002. The white guy in the picture is midfielder Figueiredo. Doesn't get more Portuguese than that.

Expectations: Nobody outside of Angola expects anything from these guys.

The Prognosis: Angola like to play tight at the back and then use their speed to counterattack down the flanks. Are a heavy underdog in this group, but cannot be taken lightly. They finished head of a qualifying group that included African heavyweight Nigeria. Coach Luis Goncalves led the youth side to the 2001 African Championship. Despite this, they look unlikely to advance beyond the first round.

Group C continued...

Holland

Holland are known as "the greatest team never to win the World Cup." Anybody who saw the heartbreaking 1974 Final loss to hated rivals Germany would agree, as the Dutch side that year looked invincible but fell victim to overconfidence, not to mention the brilliance of Franz Beckenbauer. Having missed out on the 2002 Cup, this bunch will be rearing to go in June.

World Cup Pedigree: Superb. Two-time finalists and late round appearances on other occasions, but never won it all.

Country's Cultural Contributions: Wooden shoes and legal drugs.

Strengths: This technically gifted squad appears to gel, something that hasn't always happened with past Dutch national sides.

Weaknesses: Without the likes of veteran players Edgar Davids and Clarence Seedorf(both not selected), these guys look very young and a little raw.

Star Player: Striker Ruud van Nistelrooy had a nightmare season with Manchester United but will be relied upon to work his former magic in Germany. When on form there are few as lethal in front of goal.

Expectations: Coming so close on many occasions has made the Dutch fans a cynical, wary lot. Nevertheless, a wealth of talent means they are rightfully among the favorites.

Fun Fact: Legal drugs and prostitution. What could be more fun than that?

The Prognosis: Holland didn't make the 2002 World Cup having lost out to Ireland in qualifying(thank God). The Cup just isn't the same without them though, as their fans are always among the most colorful and boisterous. Their football is regularly attractive too and they wouldn't mind emulating the form of the last Dutch team to play a World Cup in Germany. The '74 squad led by Johan Cruyff played a new brand of game labeled "total football" that will never be forgotten. This time they've been drawn into the dreaded group of death so even second round qualification is not a given. Nevertheless, they have more than enough talent to go far and will be extra-motivated by playing in historical nemesis Germany's back yard.

Ivory Coast

Amazingly, all five African representatives in this World Cup are debutantes and Ivory Coast look like the cream of that crop.

World Cup Pedigree: None. First time qualifiers.

Historical Significance: By the beard of Beelzebub, I do not know of any. Lots of ivory apparently.

Strengths: Well balanced, with Didier Drogba in attack and Kolo Toure in defense. Physically strong to boot.

Weaknesses: A perceived lack of discipline. They nearly missed out on qualification by allowing a goal to Cameroon late in the African qualifiers.

Star Man: Drogba starts for all-world Chelsea and was instrumental in securing the country's qualification. Kolo Toure has been outstanding in Arsenal's defense and played a superb match in the Champions League Final against Barcelona.

Expectations: African football was never respected until Cameroon beat Argentina in the opening match of the 1990 World Cup. Since then other African sides have done well at the tournament, most notably Senegal and Nigeria. This Ivory Coast team is solid and the home fans expect great things.

Fun Facts: The Ivory Coast is neither ivory nor a coast. Discuss.

The Prognosis: African teams, generally speaking, represent an unpredictbable element in World Cup competitions. They tend to bring a combination of athleticism and flair that frequently unsettles the more favored European and South American sides. If any African country is going to make a run this time, it's Ivory Coast.

Group C: The Group of Death

Argentina

Most pundits have dubbed group C the group of death, making it the toughest group in the tournament. The presence of a powerful Argentina side is a big reason for this.

Looks like Crespo is holding the team emblem or some sort of trophy on the lower right. Could be the award for worst hairstyles in world football.

World Cup Pedigree: Excellent. Won in 78 and 86, were runners up in 30 and 90. This marks their 14th finals appearance.

Country's Historical Contributions: Most notably their football, to be honest, as legend Diego Maradona is considered by many as the greatest player ever.

Star Man: This is practically an all-star team but midfielder Juan Roman Riquelme is the main catalyst for much of their play going forward.

Strengths: Where to begin? Supremely talented all over the pitch. Will be especially lethal in attack with the likes of Crespo, Tevez, Riquelme, Aimar, and boy wonder Lionel Messi.

Weaknesses: So much talent can sometimes act as a hindrance, with team selection and strategy always heavily scrutinized by players and press alike.

Entertainment Factor: 9. Tune in to watch some of the best players on the planet.

Fun Fact: I bought an Argentina jersey in Australia for the purpose of annoying English people(Argies knocked England out of the tournament in 1998). When I walked into a cabin in the Tasmanian wilderness an Englishman looked at me drily and uttered, "Bloody Argentinians!" Mission accomplished.

Expectations: Normally sky high, though somewhat tempered this time thanks to their disappointing(and that's an understatement) 2002 campaign.

The Prognosis: Outside of Brazil, Argentina are the most talented team on earth. Like Brazil, the country is a football factory that turns out players for leagues throughout the world. Have a real good shot to win the whole thing as long as the superstar egos can be blended into a sense of team unity. In 2002 they were a consensus favorite to win, but didn't even make it out of the group stage and worst of all fell to hated rivals England. This time they have a coach(Jose Pekerman) who has a record of winning at youth level and a real eye for talent. He's gotten rid of some former regulars such as Juan Veron and Javier Zanetti, the latter's exclusion causing quite a stir because he is considered one of the best defenders of his generation. Teenage sensation Lionel Messi also inspires hope, although he is battling injury and is not slated to play in their opening match. Argentina should feature at the latter stages of the tournament.

Serbia & Montenegro

This team is another reason for the "group of death" tag, but not for footballing reasons. Sorry, I promised myself there would be no ethnic cleansing jokes on my world cup blog but there you go. These guys are the remnants of the former Yugoslavia and no slouches when it comes to football.

World Cup Pedigree: None since the breakup of the former Yugoslavia.

Strengths: An absolute wall in defense. Conceded only one goal in their entire qualification campaign. Remarkable.

Weaknesses: Not known for their flair. May have difficulty feeding their forward line.

Star Player: 6'8" striker Nikola Zigic is on the wishlist of some major clubs and will kill you if you tell him he has a girl's name.

Entertainment Value: 6. Not known for their offense but play an aggressive, up-tempo style.

Expectations: Are something of a wildcard. Qualified impressively, even beating out Spain, but must feel unfortunate to have been drawn with the likes of Argentina and Holland.

Fun Fact: Montenegro recently voted to secede from Serbia. Apparently Serbia was cheating on Montenegro with another country. Seriously, these guys need to quit breaking up their countries or there'll be nothing left. The world clearly doesn't need the phrase "the former Serbia & Montenegro."

The Prognosis: As I mentioned before, Yugoslavia was something of a football power and this squad will be no joke. May even upset Holland or Argentina. Despite this, the smart money says they will not progress to the second round. Such is "The Group of Death."(cue dramatic instrument sounds..)

Group B continued...

Paraguay

This will be the South American side's third successive World Cup, and they've progressed to the second round in all of those three. This time they hope to go beyond the round of 16, but it won't be easy.

There's the gang. If there were WC points awarded for tight-knit-group team photos they'd already be ahead of the game.

World Cup Pedigree: Solid. Have qualified seven times overall and for the last three in succession.

Historical Significance: Fuckall.

Star Player: A few mentionables. Carlos Gamarra, as well as sharing the name of Godzilla's rival, has been a rock-solid defender for many years at both club and country level. He was also a very worthwhile purchase for my Winning Eleven 6 team. Forward Roque Santa Cruz, as well as having a very cool name, is an exciting forward who is currently battling injury and may or may not play the first match against England. Carlos Paredes, as well as having a last name that means "stops" in Spanish, is an all-action midfielder.

Strengths: Good mixture of trusted veterans and up-and-coming youngsters.

Weaknesses: No Jose Luis Chilavert, their former star goalkeeper, means their trademark stifling defense is no longer worthy of the name.

Expectations: Having comfortably qualified from a strong region and with ample cup experience, they fully expect at least a second round berth.

Fun Fact: Paraguay spelled backwards is Yaugarap.

The Prognosis: Paraguay are known for their strong defensive tactics. At France 98 they lost 1-0 to the hosts in the latter stages of extra-time, and in 2002 they conceded the same score to eventual finalists Germany in what was unquestionably the most boring game of the tournament. This time they are not so solid at the back but have quality in attack to compensate. Will give England and Sweden a real battle for the second round.

Sweden

The Swedes have become a fixture at the World Cup, this being their 11th finals appearance. In 2002 they lost to Senegal in extra-time at the round of 16.

World Cup Pedigree: Quite good. Lost in the final as hosts in 58 to Pele's Brazil. Made the semi-finals at USA 94 where they fell to Romario's Brazil.

Historical Significance: Abba

Star Man: Take your pick. Juventus forward Zlatan Ibrahimovic is a real talent, as is Arsenal midfielder Freddie Ljungberg. Celtic legend and current Barcelona hero Henrik Larsson is no slouch either.

Strengths: The aforementioned trio provide a lot of firepower going forward. Goalkeeper Andreas Isaksson was a rock in qualifying.

Weaknesses: Nothing of note. Ibrahimovic has a volatile temper that could cost his team dearly if he is not careful.

Expectations: The Swedes have been here many times and fully expect to make the round of 16 and beyond. They don't fear England one bit.

Fun Fact: Swedish Meatballs are made from ground-up Norwegians.

The Prognosis: The Swedes are known for their unflappable Scandinavian efficiency. At one point their defensive style was dubbed Swedenaccio, a take on the patented Italian catenaccio defense whereby a team loads up at the back and scavenges for counterattack opportunities. Very frustrating stuff. Just ask England, who haven't beaten them in a very long time. In 2002 England were lucky to come away with a 1-1 draw. Well-equipped to make the second round and beyond, though Paraguay may have something to say about that, probably something like: "No way Jose, we going to second round, ok amigo?"

Group B

England

England enter the 2006 World Cup as one of the favorites, despite the uncertain status of wonderboy Wayne Rooney, their all-world striker. Simply put, this is the best England squad since 1966, when the football-mad nation hoisted the trophy on home soil. If you are a football fan anywhere in the English speaking world, chances are you get a whole lot of info from the English press, which covers the game like no other. You could spend all day getting acquainted with England's footballing history and the current team. For that there are a host of websites. Here I offer just a bare-bones guide to Ingerland's side.

Here is an actual squad photo. The team have decided to surprise the world by donning construction attire for the finals, with the hardhats guaranteeing to put more zing behind headers. No word on whether Fifa will approve this kit. They are having a good laugh because they've just found out who is in their first round group. Ok I lied. They are actually at the newly constructed Wembley Stadium, the old Wembley being the site of the 66 triumph. Only the goalie will be allowed to wear a hard hat at the cup. But I wasn't lying about the laughing part. They really fancy their chances in the group stage.

World Cup Pedigree: Distinguished, though somewhat disappointing. Won in 66, made semi-finals in 90. Almost always qualify with huge expectations, but often leave with a bitter taste in their mouths.

Country's historical contributions: The Four S's: Shakespeare, The Smiths, Superb magazine layouts, and Stealing other people's countries.

Best Player: A few candidates here. Rooney is most feared when healthy, but at the moment midfielder Steven Gerrard is worth his weight in gold, which is roughly 180 lbs.

Strengths: Arguably the best midfield on the planet with Beckham, Gerrard, Lampard, and Joe Cole patrolling the center of the pitch. A rock solid defense with the likes of John Terry and Ashley Cole. Quality players throughout the squad.

Weaknesses: Without Rooney, they lack panache up front. Goals could be hard to come by, though Michael Owen looks healthy. Have only four true forwards on the roster. Two, Owen and Rooney, are/were hurt. One, Walcott, is 17 and didn't play at all for Arsenal this season. The last, Peter Crouch, looks and acts more like a basketball player than a footballer.

Entertainment Value: 9. Every England game is a grand occasion.

Expectations: The Brits are dying for the trophy and think they have a good shot. Most commentators would agree.

Fun Facts: Enland coach Sven Goran Erikkson looks like a turnip, but is actually a Swede.

The Prognosis: Anything less than a semi-final appearance will be looked upon as a disaster. This is the most talented England side ever. Erikkson is under a lot of pressure to atone for the quarterfinal defeat to Brazil in 2002, a game in which England led 1-0 early on and played the whole second half against a ten man Brazil. Despite this, they barely got a touch on the ball and exited the tournament with a whimper. There is no doubt that they will bypass the group stage, although Sweden are a nemesis and Paraguay can be tricky. If they can put together some offense(there is even talk of moving Gerrard to forward) and don't sit on leads as Erikkson is wont to do, they could go all the way. On the one hand this would be good for football because England is the birthplace of the sport and the home of its most knowledgeable and loyal fans. On the other hand, we'd never hear the fuckin end of it. They still haven't shut up about 66. Plus David Beckham's mug would be plastered over all your household products.

Trinidad & Tobago

No folks, that is not a misprint. Trinidad have qualified for the World Cup and have invited Tobago along to serve as a waterboy. They are currently 1000/1 underdogs to win it all. Before you laugh, let's have a closer look at these guys. Then you can laugh.

World Cup Pedigree: Nil. This is the first time they have ever qualified.

Country's Significance: My next door neighbor is from Trinidad, and so is the guy across the street. Real nice fellows.

Best Player: Dwight Yorke. Yes, the Manchester United and Premiership legend came out of retirement to help his countrymen to the finals. He's in his thirties now, but can still find the net.

Strengths: Dutch coack Leo Beenhakker is a real tactician who get the most out of a limited bunch. And there's Yorke.

Weaknesses: Lack of world-class pedigree. The big stage could prove to be overwhelming.

Entertainment value: 6. Yorke will bring the English press, but the on-field action doesn't look so promising. Hopefully they can emulate the vivacity of their Caribbean neighbors Jamaica.

Fun Facts: Before settling on Trinidad & Tobago as their country's name, leaders pondered other alternatives including: Trinidad & Trinidad, Trinidad & Garfunkel, and Trinidad & The Three Musketeers.

Expectations: These island folk are a laid-back, positive bunch, but they'll be happy to come away with one victory at their first world cup.

The Prognosis: Not bright. Should be up for the game against their former colonizers, England, but it is hard to see them getting out of the group stage. They qualified from the relatively weak Concacaf region, and even then had to beat Bahrain over a two-legged playoff. Would love at least one win.

Group A continued...

Poland

After a first round exit in 2002, Poland are eager to make an impression in the group stages this time around. They finished second in their qualifying group to England, though they led the group for most of the campaign. Here's the squad.

Skinheads United

World Cup Pedigree: Decent. Have twice finished third(74 & 82), but haven't qualified regularly of late.

National Significance: Inventors of pierogis and underwater hairdryers

Best Player: Tonasz Francowski, nicknamed "The Goals Hunter" for his efforts in qualifying. His reward: He didn't make the final squad. Neither did Liverpool's keeper Jerzy Dudek, or Olisadebe, the naturalized Nigerian who was the top scorer in 2002 European qualifying. Poland's coach needs to lay off the crack, apparently.

Strengths: They score lots. Only three European teams scored more in qualifying. Plus, Poles are just plain strong. Trust me. I had a gym membership in Greenpoint, Brooklyn.

Weaknesses: Lack of a true star and a tendency to concede easy goals.

Entertainment Value: 8. Expect high scoring encounters with this bunch.

Fun Facts: Poland's fans have replaced the English as most feared hooligans in football. In 2002, Japanese authorities braced for the English hordes. This time the Germans are getting ready for the Poles. Good thing the Germans know a thing or two about hordes.

Expectations: Most commentators(European ones anyway) expect them to advance from the group stages.

The Prognosis: Germany are a lock to qualify from this group, which leaves Costa Rica, Ecuador, and Poland to scramble for one place. They'll like their chances against the Latin American sides, but it won't be easy. In 2002 they were a Jekyl & Hyde outfit, getting thrased by Portugal and returning that favor to the USA. Which Poland will show up this time? I predict a first round exit and some riots in the terraces.

Ecuador

Like Poland, Ecuador were a first round casualty in Korea-Japan. Having had their first taste of the big stage in 2002, they'll be eager to impress.

World Cup Pedigree: Small. 2002 was their first ever tournament.

Historical Significance: The Incan Empire

Best Player: Centre-half Giovanni Espinoza holds down the fort, while midfielder Edison Mendez gets things going forward and has a mean shot to go with his overall mean demeanor. The guy is just plain mean. His nickname is "Mendez the Mean."

Strengths: Take a more tactical approach than most South American sides. Bright yellow jerseys may disorient opponents.

Weaknesses: Have little experience against European competition.

Fun Facts: All of their qualifying wins came at high altitude. Seven wins at home in Quito and one away to Bolivia. Could be the Denver Broncos of soccer.

Entertainment Value: 6. Have the skills to entertain, but will probably resort to cynical tactics to counter European aggression, much like the Incas did.

Expectations: Would be happy with a second round berth.

The Prognosis: Ecuador are riding a wave of confidence, having beaten mighty Brazil and Argentina during qualification. Their World Cup inexperience showed during a 2-0 defeat to Italy in 2002. Have about as good a shot as Poland or Costa Rica to advance from the group stages.

The Cup Approacheth

17 days to the start of the 2006 World Cup. 17 days!!! Have to repeat it to let it sink in. I had the extreme privilege of attending the 2002 Cup in Japan, and it doesn't seem all that long ago. Originally, my plan was to make it over to Germany and thus chalk up two World Cup trips in a row. Alas, twas not to be. South Africa 2010 here I come; or at least Brazil 2014. I should have a job by then to finance the whole affair. Barring that I'll settle for Mars 2066, the 100 year anniversary of England's famous triumph. Even though I can't be there physically, I intend to cherish this year's cup by being a complete psychopath and watching all 64 matches on tv. Sure my eyes may bleed as I watch Togo take on Switzerland, but it's got to be done. Without further ado, I offer my own guide to the teams vying for sports' ultimate prize.

GROUP A

Germany

Where better to start than with the teutonic hosts, arguably the finest footballing nation not named Brazil. Ze Germans have won the whole thing 3 times, the last victory coming in 1990 over Diego Maradona's Argentina in an ugly final. If omens mean anything, they won the only other time they hosted, in 1974, by beating a much fancied Dutch side. Will history repeat itself? Probably not. Put simply, these lads aren't very skilled. Michael Ballack is probably their only world-class outfield player, along with Oliver Kahn and Jens Lehmann in goal. Kahn was a veritable wall in the 2002 cup(though I did see Robbie Keane sneak one past him in the flesh, 91st minute I think it was, oh the euhporia). Despite this, he recently lost his starting spot to Arsenal's Lehmann, who recently shored up the most impressive defense in Champions League history. That is until he rugby tackled Samuel Eto and got sent off, thus gifting Barca the trophy. But I digress. Let's have a look at the squad. Deutschland has gotta......................WINNNNNNNNNNN!

There they are , looking very German. Who's the black fellow you ask? That's Asamoah, a naturalized Nigerian. Not sure why Oliver Kahn(lower r.) is screaming his lungs out. Let's get the lowdown on this bunch:

World Cup Pedigree: Superb. 1st in 54, 74, and 90. Have been in 6 0f the last 10 finals.

Country's contributions to history: Some really great classical composers, engineers, and a couple of nasty wars.

Best Player: Michael Ballack, by a mile. Talismanic midfielder recently signed with Chelsea's cash machine. An all-around clever player who can really influence a game.

Strengths: All-action approach can really frustrate opponents. Coach Klinsmann has emphasized speed, and any German squad is guaranteed to go all-out for 90 minutes. Also clinical in front of goal, especially on set pieces.

Weaknesses: Outside of Ballack, nobody has much skill on the ball.

Entertainment Value(1-10): 5 Home crowd should be raucous, but ze Germans are notorious for boring football.

Expectations: 80 million Germans whine about how much they suck, but they secretly think they have a good shot.

The prognosis: Should cruise through their group, but probably lack the skill to take home the trophy. Recently ran riot against a second-string USA squad in a friendly, though Klinsmann is public enemy number 1 in Deutschland for his hands-off managerial approach. Wouldn't bet against them though. The 2002 outfit looked shite on paper, and much of the time on grass, but still made the finals. As USA coach Bruce Arena noted after Germany knocked his squad out in 2002: "Even when they don't play well, they can still beat you."

Costa Rica

The ticos barely qualified from the unimpressive Concacaf zone, where USA and Mexico are perennial giants. Nevertheless, Brazilian coach Guimaraes, who guided them to qualification in 02, will look to marry sound tactics to his players' free-flowing ball skills.

World Cup Pedigree: 2nd round in 1990 debut after upsets of Sweden and Scotland. Missed out on 2nd round in 02 thanks to Turkey's superior goal differential. Mierda!

Country's historical significance: Pretty girls on Spanish channel

Best Player: Paulo Wanchope. Premier League fans are familiar with this goal machine. Will retire from international play after this tournament, so is eager for a nice sendoff.

Strengths: Traditional Latin American flair makes for an exciting offense.

Weaknesses: Traditional Latin American flair makes for a shitty defense.

Entertainment Value: 8. Fun to watch, as anyone who say the 5-3 game against Brazil in WC 02 can attest.

Expectations: Costa Ricans are passionate fans, but they would be thrilled with a second round berth.

The Prognosis: In with a very real chance for 2nd round qualification, and then back to the airport. Need to come out strong in the opening match against Germany, a la Senegal against France in 02. That upset gave Senegal momentum that they rode all the way to the quarterfinals. Et tu, Costa Rica?

Give us the ball or we'll cut you, homes!

Blog 2

Here is a picture I took at the conclusion of the Champions League Final. Of course I was there. If I wasn't there, how could I have taken this picture? Do you have any idea how long it took to get all that confetti off my digital camera?

I even remember what the players were saying. As you can see, they are within earshot. They were saying: "Yaaaaaaaaaaaaay! Yaaaaaaaaaaaay! We're the best! We won the game. You lost the game! You're shit." This is of course translated from the Catalan Spanish. For the original translation and gamecast, see my Catalan blog.

More on this game later. This blogging business is taxing.

Champions League Final

My first ever blog post. Hurrah. Down to business(can you really call this business?). With the World Cup set to begin in a matter of mere weeks, football(aka the world game, the beautiful game, soccer) is constantly on my mind. Here in the USA(I love US and A, do you love US and A?) football denotes that smashing sport known to the rest of the world as American Football or gridiron. Love that sport too. In fact, I harbor the belief that I am one of the few people in the world who loves both football and gridiron, as they are in many ways antithetical. The grid stars wear heavy armor, soccer players short shorts. In soccer the clock never stops, in gridiron it rarely stops stopping. Only one player in soccer can use his hands; only one player in gridiron can use his feet. You get the idea, ad nauseum. My first Latin phrase in a blog post. Hurrah!

Anyhow, most casual soccer fans rightly assume that the World Cup is the biggest and best spectacle in the world of that sport. I can't argue with that fact, but for my money the latter stages of the Champions League, Europe's premier club competition, are every bit as riveting, and often more so, than your average world cup match.
In order to better explain what the Champions League is and why I am so high on it, I will have a conversation with myself a la Stephen Colbert or Michael McDonald's Bill O' Reilly impersonation on Mad TV.
Q: What is the Champions League?
Glad you asked, Michael. The Champions League is a tournament to which only the most successful clubs in Europe are invited. In theory, it should only be the respective champion in each domestic league, such as Chelsea in England or Barcelona in Spain.
Q: Why don't they just invite the champions from each league?
Because to do so would make for a small and lopsided tournament. Who wants to see Rosenborg of Norway take on Italy's Juventus? Instead, each league gets a certain amount of tournament spots with the larger and more competitive leagues garnering more of these. For example, the English Premier League is granted four Champions League spots(and that's the last time I capitalize champions league), so that the top four teams at the end of the season qualify for next year's tournament. Next year, that will be Chelsea, Manchester United, Liverpool, and Arsenal(the latter with help from the entire Tottenham team being poisoned at West Ham on the final matchday of the season.
Q: Huh?
Never mind.
Q: Ok, what about the other leagues, like Scotland? How many spots do they get?
It varies. Scotland only gets one place to my knowledge, which is perennially either Celtic or Rangers. Some of the lesser leagues like Ireland's Eircom don't get any spots at all, but the top finishers get a crack at qualification. The same goes for teams that just miss out in the bigger leagues, such as fifth place in England.
Q: Why is champs. league so exciting?
Because some of the bigger club teams are stocked with more talent than almost every national team in the world. Look at Barcelona, Real Madrid, or Manchester United. They are essentially all-star teams comprised of players from all over the world. I should also mention that money, as per usual in sports today, is a big part of the champs. league equation. Teams that qualify and advance to the latter stages reap huge financial benefits. In the cutthroat world of club football, this makes all the difference, hence the huge stakes for these matches.
Q: Who won the Champions League this season?
Thought you'd never ask. Barcelona of Spain won an epic encounter with Arsenal of England. The details of that match were going to be the subject of this post, but I'm getting tired now so they'll have to wait.
Q: Does this mean you won't be answering any more of y(our) own questions.
Precisely.
Q: Good. The format isn't very clever in text format.