GERMANY - ARGENTINA

LEHMANN ENDS ARGENTINE DREAMS

GERMANY 1 ARGENTINA 1

PENALTIES: 4-2

The Lowdown: This match was viewed by many as the biggest fixture of the tournament, at least so far, the immovable hosts versus the unstoppable favorites. You could say it lived up to its billing even though scoring opportunities were few and far between in regulation. I don't know what kind of injury Argentina goalie Abondanzieri sustained, but for his sake it had better be at least a cracked skull or something of similar severity because his departure forced coach Pekerman to bring in backup goalie Franco, who looked lost during the penalty shootout. Worse, it effectively used up a substitution that could have brought on the electric Lionel Messi. At the opening whistle Germany stormed out of the blocks, furiously pursuing the crafty Argentinian dribblers. But the referee was quick to call several fouls on the overzealous hosts and the tempo was set for Argentina to completely dominate possession in the first half. However, for all their fancy footwork and passing they had nothing to show for it, and perhaps the best scoring opportunity for either side was squandered when Ballack sailed an early header over the crossbar. On 49 minutes Ayala scored with a cracking header from a Riquelme corner, and it looked like Germany were done for. However, the Germans took the initiative, and instead of matching their aggression the Argentines resorted to negative tactics. At least one player was given a yellow for fake diving, playmaker Riquelme was substituted for the more utlilitarian Cambiasso, and Crespo came off for forward Cruz. To top it off, the goalie got injured(I have a gut feeling that he faked it and was too embarrassed to come back on after such theatrics, crazy as that may sound) and backup Franco came on. From that point on Germany looked like the better team, and their efforts were rewarded with a Klose header in the 80th minute. You always had the feeling that Germany's Lehmann would be the ace in the hole for a penalty shootout, and that proved true as I believe he guessed the proper direction on every Argentina spot-kick, saving two. Goodbye Argentina. You are a better team than the Germans, but you deserved to lose.

Match Rating: 4 out of 5. An epic finish, but it was played so tight that you could count on one hand the number of genuine scoring opportunities for both teams.

Man of the Match: Jens Lehmann. Finally came out from under Oliver Kahn's shadow by coming up huge in the penalty shootout. On Ayala's shot he used the oldest trick in the book, moving to one side of the goal to invite the foolish Ayala to shoot opposite direction, where of course the wily German(aren't they all?) dove in anticipation. Honorable mention to Odonkor, who really invigorated the German side after coming on and ran rings around Juan Pablo Sorin on the flanks. Argentina forward Carlos Tevez also merits a mention. That guy is so good, it's frightening. I've given up my man crush on Clint Dempsey. I now officially want to be Carlos Tevez, though without that shit on his neck.

Disappointment of the Match: If Germany and Argentina combined their teams, there would probably only be two German starters, Lehmann and Ballack. The rest of the German team would struggle to make the Argentine squad, much less get playing time. The talent gap between these teams is actually quite large, and yet the Germans made up for it with superior athleticism, fitness, and team unity. Pekerman has a lot of explaining to do. Just like Spain coach Aragones, he played his cards too soon. Taking off Riquelme showed that he didn't think they would need another goal, but the most egregious decision, and perhaps the worst of the whole World Cup so far, was not bringing on Lionel Messi, who is arguably the most dangerous player on the team if not in the whole world. Instead, he opted to bring on Cruz, presumably for his superior height and ability to come back and defend. No disrespect to Cruz, who is a good player and buried his penalty if I'm not mistaken, but not bringing on Messi was a fatal error. He would have kept the pressure on the German defense, provided for more ball control when they needed it most, and may have produced a moment of brilliance that they so sorely needed. Pekerman will face the music back home in Argentina for that move. And if not Messi, why not Saviola? Cruz? I can't get over it.

Huh? You can just tell when a guy is going to miss a penalty by the look on his face. When Roberto Ayala stepped up to the spot, he looked spooked and you could tell. Actually he had the same look that his teammate Riquelme had before he missed for Villarreal against Arsenal in the Champions League semi-final. It's that look of fear. Lehmann smelled it and snuffed out Ayala's sorry attempt.

Extra: Germany's defense was maligned early in the tournament, but barring one corner they looked exceptional today. This reminded me a lot of the Spain-France match. The more skilled team dominated possession but had little to show for it. Also reminiscent of that game by the horrendous managerial decision of Pekerman to not only go for a 1-0 win but to leave "the next Maradona" on the bench. Also, don't know what happened after the match but the entire Argentine team tried to beat the shit out of Germany assistant coach Oliver Bierhoff. No doubt he said or did something quite unsporting in the aftermath. There is no question that Argentina tried their old dirty tricks to pull out a win, but to be fair Ballack is quite a cheater too(he goes down like a prostitute in the box) and the loss was punishment enough for any cheating antics.

The Fallout: Another epic on the way, Italy-Germany. I think Italy has the edge, but the Germans will be keen to avenge their earlier 4-1 thrasing at the hands of the Azzuri in a friendly. Probably the most talented team at the cup, Argentina have been eliminated. The old adage is true: You can't play not to lose, you have to play to win. Only Germany did that today.

AZZURRI EXPRESS ROLLS OVER UKRAINE

ITALY 3 UKRAINE 0

The Lowdown: If you had to pick one team of the quarterfinalists who didn't belong, it was Ukraine. They started their campaign off with a thrashing by Spain, and ended it on a similar note today.

Match Rating: Don't know, I fell asleep.

Man of the Match: Luca Toni. He finally broke out by bagging two goals. The guy is a force to be reckoned with. If I were starting a football team my forwards would be Toni and Tevez.

Disappointment of the Match: Ukraine actually created some solid chances but Italy never looked overly bothered by them. It's too bad Switzerland weren't awarded the penalty they deserved against Ukraine in the final minutes of that match because I really think they would have given Italy a good match. Remarkbably, Switzerland left the tournament without conceding a goal. That has to be some sort of record.

The Fallout: Italy take on Germany in another "World Cup Final." These epic encounters between footballing giants really have the feel of a final.

Extra: The only team to score on Italy in this World Cup? Italy. Yes, the own goal against the USA was the only time Italy conceded. That 9 goals for, 1 against. Wow.

FRANCE - SPAIN

SPAIN MIGRAINE AS FRANCE ADVANCE

FRANCE 3 SPAIN 1

The Lowdown: Well for the second time today the score lied a bit, and the more enterprising team ended up losing to a tactically superior one, yet ultimately had nobody to blame but themselves. Spain took an aggressive approach from the outset, with coach Aragones electing to start Raul and Fabregas with a view to dominating possession and passing France out of the game. It appeared to work at first, with Spain getting most of the play early on and a deserved penalty. However, France bided their time and when Viera laid a lovely pass on for Ribery they finally broke the offside trap and the scores were level at the half. In the second half Aragones used his three subs very early on, bringing on attackers like Joaquin and Luis Garcia to go for the win. Unfortunately the plan backfired. France choked out the Spanish midfield with some stout defending and made some timely counterattacks of their own. Their second goal came off a Zidane free-kick that curled across the box and ended up in the back of the net after seemingly touching players from both sides. The third was a gimme in extra time, but Zidane finished it masterfully to let it be known he's not ready to retire yet.

Match Rating: 3 out of 5. Took a while to get going, with France taking a very cautious approach. Opened up a bit in the second half.

Man of the Match: Could be Zidane but for me it has to be Frank Ribery. The winger was a constant threat to Spain and with Cristiano Ronaldo indicating he might leave Old Trafford, Manchester United should get their checkbook ready and see if they can sign Ribery because he's well worth it.

Disappointment of the Match: Spain are cursed, but by their own lack of mental fortitude. They kept trying to play the ball through the middle long after France had effectively closed it off, and Carles Puyol's foul on Henry that led to Zidane's free kick and subsequent goal was just plain stupid. Puyol obstructed the French striker as he dashed for a loose ball, but it looked like another Spain player was going to get there first anyhow. Puyol is a legendary player but today he looked past his prime. Also, Fernando Torres is quite a talent but he has some growing up to do with regard to faking injury and diving at every opportunity. He was lucky not to be carded on a couple of occasions. To top it off, they showed a complete lack of urgency when down a goal in the final moments, preferring a siesta instead.

Huh? Sorry, the huh category is drying up because I no longer watch ESPN's broadcasts, preferring Spanish channel coverage. I may have to switch over now and then for some idiotic gems.

The Fallout: France meet Brazil in a rematch of the 98 final, one of Brazil's darkest hours. Some of the major players are still here, like Ronaldo, Cafu, R. Carlos, Barthez, Zidane, Viera. Should be an amazing game.

Extra: If Spain couldn't win it this year, don't know if they ever will. They cruised through their group, while France sputtered through theirs. They showed no urgency in trying to break down France's suffocating midfield defence, and Aragones played all his cards(subs) too early. Their biggest problem today was a lack of pace at the back. Ribery and Henry always looked like they were ready to go by their defenders. France are a wily, veteran squad who will now be tough to beat. They are only inept when the pressure is on, but are very content to let their opponents bring the game to them and then sting back with a goal. Brazil beware.

BRAZIL - GHANA

RONALDO IS THE NEW GOAL KING;

BRAZIL ROMP, STILL GET BOOED

BRAZIL 3 GHANA 0

The Lowdown: Ok, I hate to say that the score lied because Brazil are a far superior team to Ghana but you know what, the score lied. To be honest, with the exception of Ronaldo's wonderful, record-setting goal Ghana were the more entertaining and enterprising team throughout. That is until they were reduced to ten men and Brazil ran passing drills in front of their goal in the final moments. At one point with Brazil up 2-0 the crowd were actually booing them. Such are the expectations for the samba boys. It's too bad Ghana were without Essien. Stephen Appiah did a wonderful job in midfield but you wonder what could have been if his partner were not suspended.

Man of the Match: Although he didn't feature much, it has to be Fatso for that sublime goal where he juked Ghana's keeper on a breakaway and became the World Cup all-time leading scorer in the process with 15. It was hilarious seeing Adriano trying to do the same on a similar breakaway, only to be carded for a dive.

Match Rating: 4 out of 5. If Ghana had scored this would have been one for the ages. Lots of entertaining play, the way football is meant to be played.

Disappointment of the Match: Pele has said that an African team will win the World Cup before long, and Ghana today showed why many people agree with him. They showed amazing strength, speed, and skill and had several great chances to score. Unfortunately, like many African sides, their finishing was terrible. Whenever they let off a shot it either floated innocuously into Dida's hands or flew into the stands. They also need to work on their discipline: Several Ghana players looked on the verge of assautling the linesman after it looked like Adriano's goal was offside. The frustration is understandable, but such abusive behavior is not likely to gain any advantage, quite the contrary in fact. They also had some very stupid fouls in the first half that led to yellow cards and the eventual sending off of Asamoah Gyan in the second half for a dive. If African teams were an RPG character they would have very high strength, skill, stamina, and speed and need to add points for mentality and discipline when they level up. Yes, I am a nerd, but it's true.

Huh? To understand why the fans were booing Brazil, you have to understand the Brazilian football mentality. They are expected to not only win, but to entertain in the process. Coach Parreira was also the coach of the 94 Brazil team that won the World Cup. And yet, that team was considered boring by Brazilian standards and is less beloved than the free-flowing 82 squad that didn't win the World Cup. Parreira is known as a pragmatist, which explains why he put so many men behind the ball when Brazil went ahead. The whole stadium seemed to be pulling for Ghana, and at one point Ronaldinho was roundly booed when he got a touch on the ball because he had been largely invisible. Amazing. He did make up for it with a lovely trick pass toward the end, but once again it looks like he is being overshadowed by Ronaldo, as was the case in 2002. That means both Ronaldo and Switzerland have proven me wrong so far.

The Fallout: Ghana go home proud, having played solidly against their heroes from Brazil. Brazil await the winner of Spain versus France. Either of these teams matched up with Brazil is a mouthwatering prospect.

Extra: I was eager to see if Ronaldo would trade his jersey at the end of the game but of course he didn't because that thing is worth millions, maybe the most coveted piece of football memorabilia ever. I wonder if he'll even wash it before it gets framed. If so Fatso, remember to put it on a low cycle with like colors, so Ecuador, Colombia and Australia jerseys can go in the same wash.

P.S: Funniest and nearly most tragic moment of the match had to be the Ghana defender who decided to head the ball back to his keeper, by rocketing it to the far right corner thus forcing a spectacular save. As someone who has scored on an own-goal back pass, I feel your pain man. Wait, my pain was worse, I actually scored.

Final Group Analyses

GROUP A

Winner: No surprise that Germany won this group but the relative ease with which they accomplished it caused the world to take notice. There can be no denying that coach Klinsmann has brought confidence and a winning mentality to a country that only a few weeks prior to the tournament was predicting doom and gloom.

Surprise Team: Ecuador, no question. They handled Poland and Costa Rica with ease, but then again that really isn't saying much. Nonetheless, they played some attractive football and made England sweat(or maybe it was the heat) in the round of 16.

Disappointment: Most pundits would say Poland, but I have to say Costa Rica for two reasons. One, Poland were very solid against Germany until the 89th minute. Two, I picked Costa Rica to go through.

Get Real: The Costa Rican team were pelted with projectiles after arriving home. Pretty disgraceful. What were these people expecting from such an average side?

Contenders: Only Germany are left and with the way they manhandled Sweden you'd have to say they might be odds-on favorite for the whole thing.

GROUP B

Winner: England, though they didn't look impressive doing it, particulary their long drought against Trinidad and late meltdown against Sweden.

Surprise Team: Trinidad & Tobago were expected to make up the numbers. They didn't oblige, tying Sweden and making England sweat(the English sweat a lot). This really is a monumental achievement for the Soca Warriors, the smallest nation ever to qualify for the tournament. They had a defender who played for St. John's University, NY for crying out loud.

Disappointment: I want to say Paraguay because they were supposed to be more offensive at this tournament instead resorting to their old defensive shell. The prize goes to England, a pre-tournament favorite who play a most soporific brand of football. Wake me up when the Portugal-England match goes to penalties.

Get real: The Swedish media were calling for coach Lagerback's head after the second-round loss to Germany. Again, what the fuck do these people expect. Sweden is a small nation. Yes, they have a proud and successful football tradition but c'mon, did they expect to knock out the hosts?

Contender: Only England remain. Apparently they're a contender, but they have yet to play a real team.

GROUP C

Winner: Argentina, very deservedly. They took the game to all of their opponents and were unlucky not to beat the defensive Dutch on the final matchday.

Surprise Team: Ivory Coast. I know they didn't win a match but in almost any other group they would have progressed. They really won the fans over with their bright jerseys and slick, enterprising style.

Disappointment: Want to say Holland for the way they crashed out against Portugal in the round of 16 but let's be fair here: Serbia & Montenegro allowed one goal in 10 qualifying mathes; 9 in three World Cup matches. I'm frankly glad that such a negative team were duly punished.

Get Real: Former Paraguay goalkeeper and Univision commentator Jose Luis Chilavert said Argentina would not get out of round one. If I knew how to render that wrong sound on Family Feud in type, I would. EEEEHHHHH!

Contender: Only Argentina remain. Their game against Germany promises to be the match of the tournament. C'mon Argies.

GROUP D

Winner: Portugal. They never really looked dominant but they were clearly the cream of a relatively weak group.

Surprise Team: Surprise! There was no surprise team. Surprised you, didn't I?

Disappointment: Iran had high hopes for this cup but they got wiped off the map. Angola were impressive in tying Iran and with a goal here or there on the final matchday they could have sneaked through.

Contender: Portugal are the only remaining team after Mexico lost on a late thriller to Argentina. Portugal just survived(and that's an apt word here) an UGLY game against Holland in R of 16, but will be without at least two key players against England. Should be a good match anyway.

GROUP E

Winner: Italy, deservedly. They were lucky to squeeze a tie out of an undermanned US but they did the business when they had to.

Surprise Team: Ghana. Ghana Ghana, don't you wana, Ghana Ghana?

Disappointment: No US fans, it's not you, it's Czech Republic. After awarding themselves the World Cup trophy following the US match they didn't bother to turn up for the last two. Shame, although the ref did screw them with a red against Italy.

Get Real: The cacophony of criticism surrounding the US team's exit, spearheaded by Eric Wynalda(all-time US leading scorer, thanks for reminding us after every segment ESPN) who has now decided that Arena is a terrible coach. Reality check: Most US players play in MLS, one of the world's weaker leagues. Nobody on the US is as good as Ghana's Essien, nobody on the US is as good as Nedved or Rosicky, and nobody on the US could even get playing time against Italy. They're not good enough, case closed. If they were, they wouldn't be playing in MLS. BTW Wynalda, Arena is the most successful coach in US soccer history, he played a 4-5-1 against Ghana because he didn't want to get torn apart on the counterattack, and you are an annoying man. Beasley sucks so much eh? Did you see the pass to set up Dempsey's goal? For my money it was the best pass of the whole tournament so far, wait, second to Crespo's backheel. Anyway, quick prediction. Clint Dempsey's MLS days are over.

Contender: Italy just beat Australia out with ten men. They should handle Ukraine in the quarters with ease. Yes, the Azzurri are very excited indeed.

GROUP F

Winner: Brazil. GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLL!

Surprise Team: Australia. Always attacking, never despairing when down, Hiddink brought out the best in them. An amazing performance, and they were robbed against Italy.

Disappointment: Well I honestly believe the two best teams went through but for the losers, Japan have to rue the final 10 minutes against Australia. Croatia are about as good a team as the Aussies but they never took the game to the Socceroos on the final matchday.

Get Real: I'm not sure that he deserves all of the criticism he received for the Australia-Croatia game(except for the fact that he gave one player three yellows, lol), but should England ref Graham Poll have been reffing an Australia game to begin with? Y'know, the whole Commonwealth thing. Also, Japan were on cloud nine when they took the lead against Brazil. Then ESPN flashed a stat on the screen. In games where the other team scores first, Brazil has.....wait for it, a WINNING RECORD! Yes, if you want to beat Brazil scoring first is actually a bad fuckin idea.

Contender: Brazil. GOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLL!

GROUP G

Winner: Switzerland. Ok, I have to eat my words. Switzerland were actually a very classy side and they were robbed in the quarters against Ukraine. They never allowed a goal in regulation and played some compelling football.

Surprise Team: Switzerland. They're actually pretty good. Korea, for the draw against France.

Disappointment: Almost France. Korea Team Fighting must be devastated but all told I think they did fairly well to get 4 points. Y'know what, it's Togo. I don't care that they were supposed to suck, but on the FIFA website they managed no match highlights in the France game. C'mon you boys in neon, c'mon you boys in neon, c'mon you boys in neon...

Get Real: French coach Domenech took my advice by starting Trezeguet against Togo. I'm just flattered that he reads my blog at all.

Contender: Nope. France to go out against Spain. Switzerland really deserve to be playing Italy instead of Ukraine, but twas not to be.

GROUP H

Winner: Spain, by a landslide, and their B side beat the Saudis. Ha.

Surprise Team: No surprises here really, except maybe Ukraine reaching the quarters. Tunisia got a raw deal against Ukraine, that Shevchenko penalty was bogus. And their defender, Trebelsi I think, is awesome and will be on my all-tournament team having played only 3 matches.

Disappointment: That Saudi Arabia qualified. Thankfully Australia are now in the Asian zone and will take that spot away in future.

Get Real: Saudi Arabia.

Contender: Yes, Spain can actually do it, except that star player Fernando Torres looks like he's about 13. Honestly, he makes Cristiano Ronaldo look old. France may cause them headaches but I think Spain will pull it off.

So, in conclusion, it's been a pretty standard World Cup. The only upsets were Ghana and Ecuador making the round of 16. But then they weren't really upsets were they because both teams deserved to be there with their stellar play. Oh, one more thing. FIFA has ruined the World Cup with the stupid refereeing mandates. But that's another post.

Groups A & B Final Round

SUSPENSE? SURPRISE? NEITHER

The final group matchday is normally a compelling affair with both games played simultaneously to ensure that teams can't manipulate their matches based on prior results. That wasn't always the case and I think there was a notorious case of playing for a draw that brought about that rule change at some point. Will have to look into that, probably involved Italy. Anyway, there weren't many people switching channels back and forth today between the respective matches in Groups A & B because two of the matches involved teams who had already advanced, while the other two were ghost matches. Shame that had to be the case, but such is the norm in lopsided groups like these. I didn't watch either of the ghost matches(Paraguay - Trinidad, Poland - Costa Rica). Actually, I stand corrected. Trinidad were in with a shot to qualify when the day began, but it was a snowball's chance in hell and came to nothing as Paraguay duly whipped them. Poland went a goal down to Costa Rica early but pulled out a 2-1 victory that might salvage their coach's job. Only two matches really counted today, and only because they had second round implications. Neither result was very surprising.

GERMANY SWEEP

GERMANY 3 ECUADOR 0

The Lowdown: Germany actually needed to win this match to top the group and avoid a second-round showdown with likely Group B winners England. They took the occasion seriously, even risking captain Michael Ballack, who had a yellow card from a previous match. Ecuador were more cautious and rested some players on yellow cards. Not surprisingly, Germany gave them the business.

Match Rating: 3 out of 5. Started out very physical, with Germany looking to rough up their South American opponents. Ecuador never really got much going.

Man of the Match: Miroslav Klose bagged a brace (2 goals) and is now the tournament's leading scorer on 4 goals.

Disappointment of the Match: Hate to see a match with only one team out for the win. Ecuador actually created the first real opportunity but were snuffed out after that. They may end up regretting their reticence today. The loss means they lose the lovely momentum they had going and must play heavily favored England.

Huh? I don't speak Spanish very well but I understand enough to know that Jose Luis Chilavert was completely biased in his coverage for Spanish station Galavision. He was adamant that Torsten Frings had committed a foul to set up Klose's second goal. Don't think he extends his bias to all Latin American nations however, as he picked Argentina to falter in the first round. Arroz con crow anybody?

The Fallout: England for Ecuador, Sweden for Germany. Both matches sound easy on paper but I wouldn't be surprised if England go to penalties with Ecuador and Sweden could scare Germany if they get Ibrahimovic back.

Extra: Thousands upon thousands of Germans lined the streets after their victory, reminding us of the French throngs celebrating at France 98. I have bad news for Germany. The 98 French had Zinedine Zidane in his prime. You don't.

CAN YOU SAY NEMESIS?

The Lowdown: Good God, what will it take for England to beat Sweden? They haven't done it since 1968 and after today's ending I wouldn't bet on them to do it in our lifetime. As in 2002, they took a deserved 1-0 lead only to end up with a tie thanks to a great Swedish comeback. Once again, Sven's England showed they are a first-half team who wilt under the pressure of opposition tactics. Gerrard did give them another lead in the second half after he came on for Rooney, but again Sweden pulled one back. And just when Rooney comes back, Owen goes out. England may be cursed.

Match Rating: 4 out of 5. Very entertaining. Joe Cole's first half strike was magnificent and Marcus Allback's header was about as good as you'll see from a corner.

Man of the Match: I'm giving it to Joe Cole because he was amazing in the first half, although Sweden really closed him down in the second.

Disappointment of the Match: Sweden's last goal(89th minute I believe) was what is known in football parlance as a "howler,' as in bootleg to the max. English goalie Robinson stood watching as the ball coasted across the goalmouth and what Sol Campbell was trying to do with it was anyone's guess. It ended up comfortably in the far corner of the net, and it barely looked like a Swedish player had touched it at all.

Huh? Pure bliss is hearing about 50,000 English fans throating "God Save the Queen" only to be silenced by Sweden's late goal. Seriously, how can the English fans lay claim to being the world's most passionate if they only sing when they're winning? They should take a lesson from Ireland or South Korea. You're at a World Cup match, you'll probably never enjoy the privilege again. Cheer up for fuck sake.

The Fallout: Didn't mean a damn, except psychologically. England have to feel they haven't fully exercised their second half ghosts from WC 2002 and Euro 2004, when they squandered a lead against Portugal.

Extra: In a terrible blow(if you are English) Michael Owen's World Cup may be over. He appeared to twist a knee after a routine pass early in the match. He hasn't been on form anyway so it really wouldn't be that big a deal if not for the fact that Erikkson now has a grand total of three forwards on the roster. One of them, Theo Walcott, hasn't played yet this year, and I don't just mean the World Cup. He sat on Arsenal's bench the entire Premiership season. Nice choice Sven. You could have taken Jermain Defoe or Darren Bent but you went with an unproven 17-year-old. You are screwed. It might not be a bad idea to leave Gerrard on the bench as a super-sub. That sounds ridiculous for such a talented player but either Lampard of Gerrard have to sit because they simply do not gel together. Too similar.

ARGENTINA HYPER FIGHTING

Argentina have been the most impressive side so far, no question. Why is that? Many say it's down to the offensive genius of players like Riquelme, Sorin, Messi, Tevez, Crespo, and Rodriguez. Nonsense. It's the Street Fighter moves.

Here we see Hernan Crespo flying in with a jumping roundhouse kick. The Serbian goalie thinks a medium punch will suffice in defense. Fool.

When most players are cornered near the touchline they try to kick the ball out of bounds off an opponent. Maxi Rodriguez is no ordinary player. He does the Blanka roll. He knows that since World Cup 90 Champion edition he takes minimal damage while rolling.

Didier Drogba is one of the world's most dangerous attakers. Gabriel Heinze know this, so he gave him a Tiger Knee. You win, Argentina! Perfect!!!

YOU LOSE!

HA HA HA HA!

Continue?

9,8,7,6...............

JUST WHEN IT STARTED TO GET PREDICTABLE

THE UPSETS ARE HERE

Yes, I've been a very bad blogger. Sue me. Some momentous matches have taken place over the last three days and this would be a poor excuse for a World Cup blog if I didn't talk about them. It was recently commented here that the better teams had won every game at this tournament and that was true at the time. On the one hand this is good news for the game. We all want to see the perennial giants of the game featuring in the latter rounds. For this reason many people have called Japan/Korea 2002 one of the worst ever World Cups. Why? Let's see, it was co-hosted by two countries not known for football; favorites France, Argentina, and Portugal lost in the first round. Unfancied Senegal and the United States made the quarterfinals, and even less fancied Turkey and South Korea made the semi-finals. To top it all off an average, plodding(8-0 over Saudi Arabia excluded, or is it?) German team made it all the way to the final. At least some sanity was restored by Brazil's victory, but not many people would argue that Brazil 2002 were one of the greatest sides in football history. So, fast forward to Germany 2006 and it looks like the footballing gods have restored order, with bigger, more enthusiastic crowds and the big guns(Argentina, Brazil, Italy, et al.) firing on all cylinders. Until last Saturday the biggest upset of the tournament was Trinidad's 1-1 tie with Sweden. An upset to be sure, but c'mon, we can do better than that, right? Of course we can.

GHANA 2 CZECH REPUBLIC 0

The Lowdown: Just when it looked like African teams were done for. Anybody who saw the Czech Republic dismantle(and that's being kind) the United States and Ghana held scoreless by Italy in Group E's opening matches could not have predicted this in their wildest dreams. Granted, Ghana didn't look half bad against Italy but the Czechs looked like world-beaters against America. This match offered the prospect of a titantic midfield duel between Rosicky/Nedved and Essien/Appiah. My money was on the Czech duo but that's why I'm not a gambling man. Asamoah Gyan's goal within two minutes was the fastest at this tournament so far. The final score was more than deserved and but for the heroics of Petr Cech it could have been more lopsided, as Ghana even missed a penalty. Perhaps the Czechs really miss their striking duo of Baros/Koller more than anyone anticipated. This result had serious implications for the other Group E match on the day as it opened the door for a reeling United States team.

Match Rating: 4 out of 5. I love an upset.

USA 1 ITALY 1

The Lowdown: Anybody familiar with US soccer history knows that this is unequivocally one of the most historic results in the nation's history and will be talked about for years to come. It represented the first non-loss for the United States in a World Cup on European soil, and it came against a mighty good Italy team. To score against Italy was impressive, to finish with a point against them even more so. But to accomplish this with only nine men for a good portion of the second half is absolutely astounding. Even more ridiculously, but for a Brian McBride offside the US could have won, which would have made this the greatest upset in World Cup history. No team has ever scored with nine men.

Match Rating: 5 out of 5. Maybe the most riveting match I have ever seen, though certainly marred by some ugly fouls. Can't beat the drama however.

Man of the Match: It should go to Kasey Keller or a defender like Onyewu, but I have to give it to Clint Dempsey because I think his electrifying presence was the difference between this US side and the one that bombed in the first game. That and the fact that I want to be him.

Disappointment of the Match: DeRossi's elbow on McBride was the worst play of the tournament so far. Mastroeni's red card tackle wasn't far behind. Three red cards is unbelievable, and this marked only the fourth time in World Cup history it has happened. Can't say any were undeserved however.

The Fallout: Quite a lot. DeRossi's World Cup is likely over. The group has just been thrown wide open, with all four teams in what a shout to advance.

Extra: After their intial embarrassment the US team have proved they belong. Italy must rue coming away with a tie against nine men, even if they only had ten themselves. They came awfully close to ending USA's World Cup several times in the final moments. The last match day of this group will be very interesting indeed.

PORTUGAL 2 IRAN 0

Portugal welcomed the sublime midfielder Deco back into their lineup and his presence is a big reason why they are moving on and Iran are going home. Believe it or not, this is the first time Portugal have reached the second round of the World Cup since 1966. Although they didn't crack open Iran's stubborn defense until around the 60th minute, Portugal always looked the better side, but once again they missed many golden opportunites and surely will be punished for letting such chances go astray against more stout opposition. In other news, the Portuguese are officially the biggest cheats at Germany 2006, hitting the deck in agony if a defender so much as breathes on them. Figo, Deco, and Ronaldo should take up Olympic diving.

JAPAN 0 CROATIA 0

Both of these sides could really have used a win but are technically still alive. This game can be summed up in one word: Kawaguchi. He saved a Croatia penalty and and was stellar throughout. Croatia created more chances but Yanagisawa wins for worst miss of the tournament by missing an open goal. Japan coach Zico was livid his team were forced to play another game in the scorching heat of the afternoon. Didn't the Croatians have to play in the same weather?

Extra: Croatia is up shit creek, needing a victory against Australia, which I don't think they will get. Japan are even more screwed, needing to beat Brazil outright.

BRAZIL 2 AUSTRALIA 0

Brazil are through but they haven't looked very convincing at this tournament. Australia fought hard and the final scoreline was perhaps a little harsh. Ronaldo played much better but was again duly replaced by Robinho. Ronaldinho hasn't been particulary impressive with Kaka looking like the real maestro in Brazil's midfield so far. Don't bet on that to continue, however.

The Fallout: Brazil can rest some players against Japan but I can't see the Japanese beating them. Australia-Croatia should be a great game between two desperate squads.

FRANCE 1 SOUTH KOREA 1

Two words: HA HA! France managed to score their first Cup goal since the 98 final courtesy of a nice Henry finish but they still haven't won since then, conceding a late equaliser by Man United's Park Ji-Sung after looking a bit too content with their 1-0 lead. Korea's fans are officially the coolest at this World Cup. They constantly sang even when losing, and they brought drums. Awesome. One bright spot for France was midfielder Malouda, who provided some of the attacking spark that Zidane has uncharacteristically been lacking.

Huh? The French were livid that Viera's header was not counted as a goal because it appeared to cross the line. You know what? If you want a goal, make sure it shakes the net. I have zero tolerance for near-goaline bullshit, which apparently means I have little tolerance for FIFA rules?

The Fallout: France will still get through, they simply won't lose to Togo. Korea have a good shot to advance. Unfortunately they will probably need to beat Switzerland, as a tie would leave the Swiss with a better goal differential. Go Korea! Just imagine a tie in both matches, however. Korea and Switzerland would move on. Wow! Not likely though.

Memo to French coach Domenech: Start Trezeguet up front with Henry against Togo, forget all the useless midfield buildup and hoof the ball directly to the forward line. They're good for at least a goal apiece.

SWITZERLAND 2 TOGO 0

This result is not worthy of blog space. A win against Togo should only be worth 2 points. Have to give some credit to the Swiss, though. Both their goals were very pretty.

The Fallout: Togo are out, though they didn't play horribly here. They were denied a clear penalty when Adebayor was butchered in the box. The Swiss are in prime position to advance with a game against South Korea.

Extra: Togo's players nearly boycotted this match over a pay dispute. Yes, you read that correctly.

UKRAINE 4 SAUDI ARABIA 0

This result makes you realize how huge an opportunity Tunisia squandered in their first match. Once again, the Saudi Arabians prove they don't belong anywhere near the World Cup. Shevchenko showed his true colors by scoring one and setting up another, but in all honesty, if a victory over Togo is worth 2 points one against the Saudis should go for 1.5.

Extra: Get your bets in now for how many goals Spain will put past Saudi Arabia. My money's on 6 and that's only because Spain have already progressed. Otherwise I really believe they would produce a worse drubbing than Germany's 8-0 result in 2002.

SPAIN 3 TUNISIA 1

Tunisia are reigning African champions and some people tipped them to surpise at this World Cup and on 8 minutes Mnari's goal put the old fear of failure back into overconfident Spain. The Spanish dominated possession however and their efforts paid off when Raul pounced on a spilled save in the 72nd minute before prodigy Torres netted a lovely finish followed by a late penalty.

The Fallout: Tunisia are out, and deserve nothing less having only drawn against the Saudis. Spain move on but may have showed some of their old weakness under pressure today. Arsenal's Cesc Fabregas was outstanding however, though I must give man of the match to winger Joaquin whose forays down the wing opened up Tunisia's defense.

MEXICO - ANGOLA

SCORE ONE FOR AFRICA, A DRAW THAT IS

MEXICO 0 ANGOLA 0

The Lowdown: Angola pull off the second biggest "upset" of the tournament so far behind Trinidad's draw with Sweden. Mexico were the better team and supplied extreme pressure for long stretches but the stout, albeit shaky Angolan defense didn't budge, even after a man was sent off in the 80th minute.

Match Rating: 3 out of 5. Mexico played some attractive football but missed some golden chances. Angola gave Mexico a few scares of their own.

Man of the the Match: Tie between Mexico defender Rafael Marquez and Angola keeper Joao Ricardo. Marquez was all over the pitch and Ricardo made some key saves.

Disappointment of the Match: Well, that's Mexico not securing a win that probably would have booked them a place in the last 16. Also, the 10,000 fans who turned up to watch outdoors in Mexico City: No goals and an embarrassing result. Well, at least it isn't pouring rain, right guys? Whoops, sorry, it is pouring rain.

Huh? Mexico striker Guillermo Franco(a naturalized Argentinian) getting roundly booed by Mexican fans while being replaced by the fan-favorite Fonseca. Give the man a break folks.

The Fallout: Angola do Africa proud, becoming only the second African team to secure a point, Tunisia being the other. This group is still very open and Angola will fancy their chances of 3 points against Iran. Mexico face the prospect of needing a result against Portugal. Not a nice prospect.

Extra: Angola were always playing for the draw, but Andre's bone-headed handball red card nearly derailed their plans. Angola keeper Joao Ricardo is actually unemployed, currently unsigned by any club. It's ok buddy, I know the feeling.

HOLLAND - IVORY COAST

HOLLAND MOVE ON, GUTSY IVORIANS LEFT HEARTBROKEN

HOLLAND 2 IVORY COAST 1

The Lowdown: This always promised to be a good match and it didn't disappoint. Once again the African debutants found themselves in a two goal hole and once again they managed to pull one back. Their relentless search for an equaliser left Dutch fans biting their nails, but it wasn't to be and a very talented but unfortunate side will be going home.

Match Rating: 4 out of 5. Great goals by Van Persie(aka the new Bergkamp), Van Nistelrooy and Ivory Coast's Bakari Kone. Some great play going forward by both teams. Drogba's yellow an unfortunate blight on the game.

Man of the Match: Robin Van Persie. The talented striker drilled a rocket goal from a free kick and was dangerous throughout. Kudos to Van Nistelrooy for scoring the first World Cup goal of his illustrious career. I wonder if Alex Ferguson was watching.

Disappointment of the Match: Ivory Coast are easily one of the most entertaining sides at this World Cup with some tremedous skill and speed in attack. Unfortunately, their finishing left something to be desired for a second straight match. When Drogba received a harsh yellow late in the first half for the slightest of taps against Dutch keeper Van der Sar(which means Drogba misses the next match) you got the feeling that Ivory Coast's chances of advancing were done for.

Huh? Van Persie's lightning free kick was so fast the goalie didn't even see it. Arsenal coach Arsene Wenger will be pleased.

The Fallout: The Coast is toast. Holland will battle Argentina in an epic for first place in the group in what could be the game of the tournament. My money's on the Argies but Holland are a definite contender to go far, despite conceding a whole lot of possession in the second half.

Extra: Shame to see the enterprising Ivorians go home. They were Africa's best hope at this Cup but such is the group of death. Holland and Argentina have played some epic Cup matches before, most notably the 1978 Final which Argentia won on home soil and the 1994 match that was decided by Dennis Bergkamp's sublime control and volley. Here's to another great encounter.

ARGENTINA - SERBIA & MONTENEGRO

SERBIA TORN APART

ARGENTINA 6 SERBIA 0

The Lowdown: Normally when you think of Serbia being torn apart you think civil war, but today was something different. This was a good, old-fashioned yet highly fashionable ass-whupping. The Argies went on the assault from the opening whistle by employing three forwards and by half-time they were comfortably ahead 3-0. Serbia were forced to come out of their formerly renowned defensive shell in the second half and were decimated by Argentina's incredible passing.

Match Rating: 3 out of 5. Yes, the goals were spectacular but I can't give such a one-sided affair a high rating.

Man of the Match: Should go to the whole Argentinian team with Sorin, Riquelme, Saviola, Cambiasso, and later subs Messi and Tevez delighting the fans, but I have to give it to Hernan Crespo. His absolutely sublime backheel set up the first goal by Cambiasso and he later sent a Messi pass home to announce his early candidacy for the Golden Boot award.

Disappointment of the Match: The Serbians are a cynical lot, and it's no wonder considering the strife their country has been through. When the groups were drawn they cried conspiracy at being put into the Group of Death. Then after their opening loss to Holland there was dissension in the ranks with some of the players questioning the coach's tactics. Well, I'd hate to be around the team in the upcoming days, that's for sure. Star striker Kezman not only didn't find the net but left his team reeling by getting red-carded for a reckless tackle. You could just hear the old derogatory Chelsea fans' chant in your mind, "C'mon Kezman C'mon Kezman C'mon Kezman."

Huh? Maradona has attended both Argentina matches and sits among the fans, not in some pressbox. Props for that.

The Fallout: Serbia gave up one goal in ten qualifying matches. They've given up seven in two mathces at the finals and will play Ivory Coast for pride. Argentina not only move on, but stake a definitive claim as best team at the tournament. Their game with Holland will determine group winner, with Holland needing a win to secure first based on goal differential.

Extra: Messi is back. The 18-year-old "next Diego Maradona" came on in the second half and picked up right where he left off for Barcelona before getting injured. Argentina are one scary squad. Here's the funny part: Serbia are not a bad team. They gave Holland a fight but today they ran into some globetrotter shit. Cambiasso's goal gets my vote for best of the tournament so far, though Crespo has to get most of the credit for that ridiculous backheel. This squad has only four players left over from the disappointing 2002 side. Their coach is a proven winner and they will be very, very tough to beat.

BEND IT LIKE CROUCH'S BODY

2 things here. First, in a correction to my England game post I must state that it was Aaron Lennon who came on with Rooney, not Neil Lennon, who is Glasgow Celtic's captain and a very fine player in his own right.

Secondly, Peter Crouch pics. Here he is wasting a perfect opportunity(bottom) and scoring respectively, while looking like a character from the fighting game Guilty Gear.

DAY SEVEN ACTION

CAN YOU BELIEVE IT'S ONLY DAY 7?

Maybe it's the fact that I've watched and written about most of the games but I can't get over the fact that today was only the seventh day of the tournament. Feels like it's been a whole month of action already. May it last forever and ever. On to today's games.

ECUADOR LEAVE NO DOUBT

ECUADOR 3 COSTA RICA 0

The Lowdown: Prior to this match the Costa Ricans made a couple of bold statements. The first was that Germany's defense was horrible. The second was that they looked forward to exploiting Ecuador's defense. Well amigos, you get credit for putting two past the Germans, but today Ecuador proved the old adage about people in glass houses.

Match Rating: 3 out of 5. A dominating performance with Ecuador doing their best Brazil impression, playing keep-away with great fluidity and applying the deadly final touch in front of goal three times.

Man of the Match: Luis Valencia, who plays for a Spanish club not named Valencia, Villarreal, was very impressive on the wing. And he's only 22.

Disappointment of the Match: Let's see, that would have to be the whole Costa Rican team. I actually picked them to get out of this group. Silly me. They couldn't put anything worthwhile together in attack and at several points were openly bickering with each other.

The Fallout: Costa Rica are out with a whimper and their game against fellow-eliminees Poland is meaningless. Here's an interesting fact. Germany has to win against Ecuador to top the group and avoid a second-round clash with England. A tie will gift the Group to Ecuador on goal differential. Yep, that's five goals for Ecuador, none against.

Extra: I now realize my pre-tournament enthusiasm for Costa Rica was nothing more than regional naivete. Concacaf, CR's North and Central American zone, is weak. Conmebol, the South American region, is much more competitive and any team coming out of there is undoubtedly battle-tested.

ROONEY'S BACK AND SVEN GETS A CLUE

ENGLAND 2 PARAGUAY 0

The Lowdown: I know the final score looks convincing but believe me, for long stretches of this match England supporters were sweating bullets, and I don't even get that metaphor but what I mean to say is they were worried, real worried. For the second consecutive game they looked wholly uncreative in attack, lacking in pace and skill(Joe Cole exluded), and downright boring. They were completely dominating possession but unable to capitalise, and Trinidad nearly scored the goal heard round the World Cup on a couple of occasions. Around the 60th minute coach Sven did something he's rarely done in the past, put on players who can make a difference. On came saviour Rooney and Neil Lennon,neither of whom scored but they both brought pace and creativity when it was sorely needed. Not long after Crouch finally put his head on a Beckham cross to make it 1-0 before Gerrard scored a cracker to seal the deal.

Match Rating: 3 out of 5. Before the invigorating Rooney and Lennon came on this was a 1.

Man of the Match: Has to be John Terry. Trinidad didn't have the ball a whole lot but the few dangerous attacks they did muster were snuffed by Chelsea's captain, including one ball that was just about to go over the line.

Disappointment of the Match: England until they scored. Also, the Soca Warriors coming so close to a historic result that would match if not surpass England's most embarrassing game ever, a 1-0 to the USA in 1950.

The Fallout: England are through and will top the group barring a loss to Sweden. Actually, Sweden would have to beat them by two goals if I'm not mistaken. Trinidad are out but they should hold their heads high for tying Sweden and scaring the beejesus out of England.

Extra: Saw this game at 11th Street Bar and there was a real comic air. The room lit up with laughter on several occasions, ranging from reaction to the ESPN commentary to Dwight Yorke holding his balls on worldwide television to the highlights of an Ecuador player donning a wrestling mask after scoring against Costa Rica, to which somebody yelled out "Nacho Libre." Felt more like a comedy club than matchday. Not the funniest World Cup watching moment ever though. That would be England's final group game against Nigeria in 2002. My friend and I were watching in a Japanese bar full of tense England fans and at one point the satellite feed was cut off at a crucial moment and replaced by a Japanese TV show featuring a dancing gorilla and ridiculous. My friend and I were the only ones in the entire place who found it funny but boy did we find it funny.

FREDDIE TO THE RESCUE

SWEDEN 1 PARAGUAY 0

The Lowdown: If you know anything about Parguay and Sweden's respective football styles you knew this game had tie written all over it, and nil-nil at that. Well, this Sweden team really does look more offensive than prior squads and their frantic efforts finally paid off courtesy of a Freddie Ljungberg header in the 89th minute that all but booked a place in the knockout stages and send Paraguay home.

Match Rating: 4 out of 5. A riveting matchup between two very good teams, with every ball fiercely contested, some great passing, and genuine drama at the end. One point deduction for Paraguay's negative tactics toward the end, for which they were rightly punished with a goal.

Man of the Match: Henrik Larrson worked his ass off but couldn't net the winner. Has to be Arsenal's Ljungberg for his constant involvement and beautifully executed header. A couple of Paraguay's players really impressed me at this World Cup, mainly defender Jorge Nunez and forward Nelson Valdez, who is the energizer bunny personified. I suppose the energizer bunny is somewhat already personified in a way though. I mean he is a bunny with an advertising contract who knowing looks at the screen and he plays drums.

Disappointment of the Match: Although Sweden mostly had the upper hand, Paraguay were very capable and frustrated their opponents for long stretches. Toward the end, however, they went into a defensive shell, probably liking their chances of beating Trinidad to advance, and England to beat Sweden. Well, it backfired. Sweden's siege on their goal finally paid off late. Honorable mention to Zlatan Ibrahimovic. Sweden's star man was benched at halftime for Marcus Allback.

The Fallout: Paraguay are out. Trinidad need a win over Paraguay and an English drubbing of Sweden to advance. Not gonna happen. It looks like England will take top place with Sweden second. Now that Ecuador-Germany match is huge, determining who plays who. For once the English will be praying for a German victory, though they'd better be wary of Ecuador.

Extra: It hardly needs to be said but the line between euphoria and disgrace in soccer is very thin. One minute Sweden were goalless in the World Cup and entering a final match against England needing a win, while Paraguay looked to be in the driver's seat with a match against Trinidad. Then the goal went in. Paraguay, despite not having scored a goal, are a quality team who were unfortunate to be drawn with Sweden and England.

Group H Action

SIGNS IT'S NOT GOING TO BE A GOOD DAY

I knew it was going to be a shitty day when I slipped on my cat and fell down the stairs this morning. I had a paper in one hand and a bowl of warm oatmeal in the other. I opened the basement door, took one step right on top of my cat, and took a tumble for the ages. The stairs were covered in oatmeal, I was covered in oatmeal, the cat was covered in oatmeal. Seriously, it looked like an oatmeal bomb went off. To top it off the cat thinks I tried to kill him, ten years of trust ruined by one misstep. I also put a hole in the wall and was lucky not to break anything, and I have scars, yes scars from tripping on a cat and getting smothered in oatmeal. Do you want to see my scars?

Sign number two it wasn't going to be a good day was this: To get the oatmeal out of my shorts I submerged them in the sink, with my cell-phone still in the pocket. WA WA WAAAAAAH!

So basically I had the worst day ever, which is my excuse for not blogging Group H match reports. I did watch some of both games though.

Spain 4 Ukraine 0: Ukraine's legendary striker Shevchenko was recently in danger of joining the list of "greatest players never to play in a World Cup," which includes such legends as George Best, George Weah, and Ryan Giggs. Well, Ukraine qualified but after today's result maybe he wishes he'd stayed on that list. Ukraine's players and coaches complained about the heat beforehand(Germany is undergoing a heatwave) but excuses aside, they got lit up today. Apparently they had a player sent off in the second half but they were already trailing 2-0 if I am not mistaken. Ukraine were everybody's favorite dark-horse in this tournament as they were actually the first European side to qualify. This begs the question: Are Spain that good, or are Ukraine overrated? The answer probably lies somewhere in the middle but Spain's passing was incredible today and they have joined the official list of tournament favorites with this performance. But please, the Spanish must not be made aware of their favorite status or they will play like shit and get knocked out.

Tunisia 2 Saudi Arabia 2: Not one of the more anticipated matches of the finals but apparently a very entertaining one. Saudi Arabia will be happy to have scored, as like France they were goalless in 2002. Tunisia actually have France 2002 coach Roger Lemerre in charge, who is probably relishing his former team's continued goal drought. Some people have tipped Tunisia for the second round and the way Ukraine played today that's entirely possible. They have to feel they missed an opportunity today against the unfancied Saudis. Then again I didn't see the whole game so I don't know if this was a deserved result or not. Any thoughts?

Extra: The Saudi monarchy have offered huge financial incentives to the team both for wins and a second round berth. You just know the Saudi squad are on the phone right now asking what they get for 2 goals and a tie.

GERMANY POLAND

GERMANS WIN THRILLER, REVERSES 2002 FORTUNES

GERMANY 1 POLAND 0

The Lowdown: In Germany's second group match of the 2002 World Cup, they were scored on in stoppage time by Robbie Keane, aka the greatest goal ever. Today they flipped the script. In an incredibly entertaining match Germany always looked the better team. Poland, however, were very competitive and as the game wore on you got the feeling they might do something historic. Sadly it was not to be as Oliver Neuville scored in stoppage time for a deserved victory that clinches Germany a place in the knockout stages and sends Poland home early.

Player of the Match: I was going to say Boruc, Poland's keeper who denied Germany on several occasions. With the final result however I'm going to give it to Philip Lahm, who played another tremedous game, constantly troubling Poland's defense. Honorable mention to the crowd: I have never seen an atmosphere at a soccer match that was this electric. Amazing.

Disappointment of the Match: The red card for the Polish player who's name I forget but probably can't spell anyway. It was a deserved sending off(2 yellows), but you hate to see such a pivotal game decided on that.

Huh? I am utterly sick of announcers praising players for fouls, as in "That's a good foul." On several occasions Poland had breakaway chances down the wing only to have their shirts tugged or be tripped by German players. Tactically, it's "good," but it amounts to cheating and is disgusting, and for an announcer to praise such negative tactics is unconscionable. They even praised Michael Ballack before the game for his "good foul" in the 2002 semi-finals against South Korea, saying only a great captain would commit a foul that would keep him out of the final game, but ensure his team's victory. Actually, we don't know that Korea would have scored on the play but we do know this: Ballack missed the final and Germany fell 2-0 to Brazil when he was needed most. Think about the definition of both words, "good foul." It's a fuckin oxymoron.

The Fallout: Poland have never beaten Germany in a football match, ever. They played their hearts out today in a very emotional game, and their fans were as loud as the Germans, but it wasn't on the cards. I haven't done the math so I don't know if it's official but for all intents and purposes Germany will advance and Poland will not, which means the Costa Rica-Ecuador match is huge.

Extra: Both of Germany's strikers, Klose and Podolski, were born in Poland. First they steal the country, then they steal the players. Also, if I hear another Klose pun I will shoot myself. Here's Eric Wynalda in the ESPN studio after the match: "You can just see the papers tomorrow saying 'So Klose.'" First of all, to quote Vivian from the Young Ones, "That is absolutely, positively, the most boring thing anyone has ever said." Secondly, why would the papers have a headline about a play that turned out to be irrelevant? Thirdly, Klose jokes have gotta die and I've officially joined the anti-Germany bandwagon.

GROUP G PREVIEWED

GROUP G: THE GROUP OF SHITE

I have neither the time nor the inclination to give the teams in these respective(ha) groups the proper preview treatment that I gave groups A through F. I saw only a small portion of Korea-Togo today and missed the France-Swiss game altogether. It's just as well. Group G consists of France, Switzerland, Togo, and South Korea. It is undoubtedly the dullest group in the cup, and I'm not just bitter because France and Switzerland were in Ireland's qualifying group. France and Switzerland already faced each other twice in qualifying and drew both times, as they did in their opening World Cup match today. Ho-hum. That's three matches, three draws and a whopping 2 goals between them.

France: France have now gone four straight World Cup matches without scoring a goal. The last time they scored was in the 1998 Stade de France final, and I think it was Emmanuel Petit who netted that. This goal drought might be excusable if they didn't have a forward combination of Thierry Henry and David Trezeguet, two of the deadliest strikers in the world. This will be the legendary Zinedine Zidane's last World Cup and he'd like to go out with dignity. Henry, though he is arguably the best striker in the world, has always laid an egg when he puts on the French jersey. Maybe the French staff can petition to let him wear his Arsenal jersey during the cup. France are a very talented team but after today's result you get the feeling they don't scare anybody. The fact that this group crosses with Group H in the knockout round means they have a decent shot at the quarterfinals.

Togo: Togo were an early candidate for worst team at the cup as they were recently humiliated at the African Cup of Nations, losing every single game. They have one world-class player, Arsenal striker Emmanuel Adebayor, but he's only 22 years old. I caught a glimpse of them against South Korea today. They'll be going home real soon.

Switzerland: Switzerland is the most non-descript football nation in the world. The current team includes six players who could have represented other countries internationally. They are dull and the sooner they go away, the better. They seem to always qualify for tournaments and then make no impact whatsoever. They are the antithesis of Ireland, who have advanced to the knockout stages of every World Cup they've entered, and even the quarterfinals in their 1990 debut after surviving a Group of Death that included England. Oh why couldn't Ireland have qualified instead?

South Korea: Coming off of their remarkable 2002 quarterfinal appearance the Koreans know a repeat is highly unlikely but will be eager to show that it was no fluke. Unfortunately for them, it was. Hate to take anything away from them because they played passionately in 2002 but the most noticeable thing taken away at that cup were 3 goals by Spain against Korea. Yes, the referee disallowed three Spain goals in that match. They still have some of national hero and current Australia coach Gus Hiddink's coaching staff. Here's hoping they edge out the Swiss for the round of sixteen, but I wouldn't bet on it. Today was their first ever World Cup win on foreign soil, and it came courtesy of a comeback against Togo. Nuff said.

EXTRA: Didn't watch the Group G games, didn't care. If anybody saw them I'd like to hear your impressions. I really have no interest in this group at all. I actually had France winning on my BBC Cup Predictor game. Having watched the likes of Germany, Holland, Argentina, Czech Republic, and Italy in action that now looks laughable.

BRAZIL - CROATIA

NOT SO BEAUTIFUL, BUT EFFECTIVE

BRAZIL 1 CROATIA 0

The Lowdown: Brazil got the job done against a Croatia team that had several golden opportunities to score. Although Brazil looked vulnerable at the back(nothing new there) they compensated with a possession game and were in control throughout. An expected result.

Match Rating: 3 out of 5. Pretty dull by Brazil's standards. Kaka's goal was superb but they committed quite a few fouls and only when Robinho came on late did they entertain the fans.

Player of the Match: Have to give it to Kaka for his wonderfully-placed shot at the end of the first half. Ronaldinho worked hard at both ends and nearly scored on a header in the second half.

Disappointment of the Match: Ronaldo. Absolutely atrocious. He had one long range shot that threatened but otherwise he never put a good touch on the ball, didn't work to get open and was booed by the entire stadium on being substituted. Croatia missed some gilt-edged opportunites. Brazil had better do some practice work on marking up when high balls come into the box.

Huh? The Croatian fans were incredible, the most passionate I've seen in this cup. They turned up in droves, sang their lungs out even when losing, set off flares in the upper terraces that gave the game an incredible atmosphere, and one of them even invaded the pitch.

The Fallout: A very expected result. You can't be too disappointed when you lose to Brazil but Croatia's game with Japan is do-or-die for both teams. Japan is still in with a shout because if Brazil beats Australia, which is likely, Japan could face off against an already qualified Brazil team with no incentive and a number of resting starters. Croatia must beat Japan as they won't relish going into a tough final match with the Aussies needing 3 points.

Extra: Ronaldo is done. I know he's an icon in Brazil and an inspiration for millions, and that he needs 1 goal to surpass Pele for the nation's all-time World Cup scorer and another one on top of that will tie him with Germany's Gerd Muller for #1 in finals history. At the moment he is rubbish and is hurting his team. Whether it's a fitness issue or a mental one is irrelevant. He needs to be benched. When Robinho replaced him in the second half there was a noticeable spark in the team as the little magician made some lovely runs and drew a host of fouls to set up free kicks. Fatso has had his day in the sun, now it's time to make way for a better player.

ITALY - GHANA

THEY'RE NOT GHANA ADVANCE

ITALY 2 GHANA 0

The Lowdown: African teams go to 0 and 3 at the tournament, with only Ivory Coast netting a goal so far. Despite this, the African teams have looked fairly good going forward and Ghana was no exception here as they had several chances but few on target. Italy, as expected, were on another level, even though their second goal came on a silver platter courtesy of an egregious defensive blunder.

Match Rating: 4 out of 5. Both teams got forward very often. This Italy squad appears to be much more offensive-minded than prior outfits and some of their link-ups on the break were breathtaking.

Man of the Match: Any number of candidates here as Italy put in a superb performance, despite wasting a number of clear chances. Luca Toni lived up to the hype and was unlucky not to score on a rocket that hit the crossbar. I pity the fool that has to defend against him.

Disappointment of the Match: Ghana had some great attacks down the flanks but their finishing left something to be desired. Essien played his heart out but to no avail. Also, having to endure exuberant Italian fans at Nevada Smith's.

The Fallout: Group of Death 2 has already been decided in my opinion. Italy and the Czech Republic have a combination of firepower and discipline that the USA and Ghana cannot live with. Hasta la vista.

Extra: The regulation World Cup ball just might be the star of the tournament. My friend remarked after Rosicky's briliant goal today that the balls are "juiced," and in a way he's right. There have been several brilliant strikes from outside the box, as Pirlo demonstrated in this game. Fire away.

USA VERSUS CZECH REPUBLIC

WE'RE NOT THERE YET

CZECH REPUBLIC 3- UNITED STATES 0

The Lowdown: America entered this World Cup rightfully wary of their tough first-round opponents and eager to show the world that 2002's quartefinal finish was no fluke. The national team has come a long way since the embarrassment of France 98, but one fact couldn't be avoided today: The Czechs are a much better team.

Match Rating: 2 out of 5. A pretty one-sided affair. Doesn't help that I saw it in a bar full of quiet, dejected US fans. Rosicky's brilliant goals added a point to this rating.

Man of the Match: Dutch midfielder Rosicky made a mockery of the very talented Kasey Keller twice, once on a long-range shot scorcher that is undoubtedly the goal of the tournament so far, and the second on a breakaway in which he apparenlty held L1 and Square button for the beautiful chip-shot, Winning Eleven style. He joins Arjen Robben of Holland, Figo of Portugal, and Riquelme of Argentina as best showing of the tournament thus far.

Disappointment of the Match: It could not have been any worse for the United States. Now they have to face Italy. Forget Italy, they aren't likely to beat Ghana. Claudio Reyna's long-range shot beat Petr Cech but sadly hit the post.

The Fallout: ESPN announcer and former team USA player Marcelo Balboa tried to sound positive in the final moments, saying, "We need to forget about this result and go on to beat Italy." Dude, who are you kidding? The Czechs will give Italy a great game for first place in the group and have joined the list of potential champions with this dominating performance.

Extra: Do not try to watch any big games(by which I mean England and US matches) at Nevada Smith's. I showed up a few minutes late and not only were they turning people away, but there were several local televison crews as well. I recommend 11th Street Bar which is near Avenue A. When I exited the cab on 11th street I saw rapper/actor Ice-T on the block, probably doing some filming for Law and Order. He looked mad chill, though you know those motherfuckin cops were tryin to bust his shit up.

WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED?

SERIOUSLY, WHAT HAPPENED? I MISSED IT

AUSTRALIA 3 JAPAN 1

The Lowdown: Ok, around 8am I went to get my suit tailored for my interview tomorrow. Got back by around 8:45 and settled in on the couch to watch this match, which I was really looking forward to. It was pretty even early on. Bresciano should have done much better with Viduka's lovely back pass, but Japan looked the more comfortable team and went up 1-0 on what was admittedly a pretty bad non-call as it looked like Aussie keeper Schwartzer was obstructed on the play. I left for the city around the 72nd minute with Japan still in front and Australia's attack bereft of ideas. On the train I heard a guy on a cell phone describe the game as "amazing," but I assumed he, in his American soccer ignorance, was surprised that Japan had beaten Australia. I later heard that Australia had won, which was ridiculous and I naturally assumed that the score was 2-1. Then I learned it was 3-1 and was left to wonder, "By the beard of Zeus, what happened in the last 20 minutes?"

Match Rating: Up to the 72nd minute, 2 out of 5. Based on what later transpired it's got to be a five.

Man of the Match: From what I saw it was Japan's goalkeeper Kawaguchi, who made some fine saves. I didn't see the rest of the game and don't have time to properly report the replay so it has to be Aussie coach Gus Hiddink, who brought on a trio of attackers in search of the equaliser. Apparently it worked, and then some.

Disappointment of the Match: That I didn't get to see the end. Also, Japan's first goal was pretty bootleg and probably should have been discounted. The ugliest incident has to be Hiddink shoving Japan's trainer, for which he should be punished.

Huh? Exactly.

The Fallout: One minute Australia looked doomed, losing 1-0 to Japan, never having scored a World Cup goal, and facing Brazil next on 0 points. Then the impossible happened. Japan have to be absolutely devastated. They controlled a good portion of this game and fell apart late. Sadly it looks like their World Cup is over, as they need a result against Brazil.

Extra: In my tournament team previews I predicted that Hiddink would be the difference in the battle for second in Group G. Today he showed why that is, not wasting any time by bringing in extra strikers around the 60th minute. He is a tactical genius and his confidence is contagious among the squad. It's doubtful Japan will recover from this meltdown, which is a shame because they played well for long stretches of this game.

Day 3, Match 3

NEWS FLASH: LUIS FIGO IS STILL GOOD, REAL GOOD

PORTUGAL 1 ANGOLA 0

The Lowdown: Some people(Nigeria's players, ha) predicted that Angola would be embarrassed at this World Cup and exactly 26 seconds into this game that nearly happened as Pauleta's shot just missed the far corner of the goal. However, they proved themselves a fairly decent team, though not good enough to hang with an attacking Portugal squad that should have scored at least two more goals.

Match Rating: 4 out of 5. This would have been higher with another goal or two and less fouls from ultra-physical Angola.

Man of the Match: Portugal winger Luis Figo. This man, who recently unretired from international competition, was once named FIFA World Player of the Year, and today he showed he's still got it. Made his defender look downright silly in setting up Pauleta's first goal and was stellar throughout. Nike, get this man a Joga Bonita spot. Or Adidas, put him in that Jose + 10 ad. Wait, I think he might already be in there. Honorable mention goes to Angola forward Akwa who twice attempted to bicycle kick incoming crosses to the delight of everybody. He actually connected on one but it sailed over the crossbar. Dude, you are the man for trying that.

Disappointment of the Match: Cristiano Ronaldo played fairly well but he missed a couple of golden chances, one header hitting the crossbar and another long-range shot spectacularly saved by Angola's keeper. He looked extremely frustrated on being substituted. Honorable mention: With the clock winding down and needing a goal, Angola twice sloppily passed the ball out of bounds in the space of one precious minute.

Huh? One of Angola's favored defensive tactics is to run over the ball, whether or not anybody has the ball. Lost track of how many times Portuguese players ended up getting plowed. Portugal are known for fake diving. Today they didn't have to.

The Fallout: Portugal will be happy with this point but aren't in the clear yet, though they have a great opportunity to clinch qualification by beating Iran next. Angola are up shit creek with Mexico on the horizon.

Extra: Memo to all opponents of Portugal. Figo and Ronaldo like to simply kick the ball through the legs or around defenders and then run around to get it. Sounds simple but they actually make it work most of the time. To avoid looking silly, you could use the patented Angola technique, which is to body slam them as they pass by.

Day 4, Match 2

A TALE OF TWO HALVES

Mexico 3 Iran 1

The Lowdown: Don't know what happened in the respective locker rooms at halftime because the game was turned on its head. Iran headed into the intermission with a 1-1 draw and looked the better team, only to be completely dominated in the second half.

Match Rating: 4 out of 5. Fast paced with lots of counterattacking but a few too many fouls.

Man of the Match: We'll give it to Mexico goalie Sanchez who's father died earlier this week. The Iranian team presented him with flowers beforehand which was very touching.

Disappointment of the Match: ESPN commentator who couldn't help politicizing the game, going on about Iran's nuclear ambitions and the horrors of WWII as if we needed or wanted his opinion.

Huh? Somebody needs to tell Iran that there are two halves in the World Cup. Their second half performance was atrocious in every way. On Mexico's third goal there wasn't a defender anywhere near Naelson. Have to give credit to Mexico though, as they really played well.

The Fallout: Mexico are almost certain to qualify as you'd fancy them to thrash Angola and get at least a point against Portugal. You get the feeling that Iran missed a golden opportunity here. They have a mountain to climb.

Extra: Hard to believe with Mexico's long World Cup history but this is the first time they have ever scored 3 goals at the finals.

Day 4, Match 1

DUTCH LOOK IMPRESSIVE

Holland 1 Serbia & Montenegro 0

The Lowdown: Holland came out strong from the opening kickoff and earned a deserved win against a fiercely competitive, but uncreative Serbia side.

Match Rating: 3 out of 5. The Dutch played very attractive, offensive football spearheaded by Arjen Robben. Serbia reluctantly came out of their shell in the second half.

Player of the Match: Robben. An absolute holy terror down the left flank, running at defenders every time he had the ball and scoring the only goal on a beautifully executed breakaway. It's absolutely ridiculous when you consider he will be joined at Chelsea next season by Shevchenko and Ballack, along with Crespo and Drogba who are already there. Sick.

Disappointment of the Match: Ruud van Nistelrooy. The Dutch striker was largely invisible and substituted later on. Credit Serbia' smothering defense.

Huh? A Serbia player was yellow carded for suggesting that a Holland player should be yellow carded. Careful what you wish for.

The Fallout: Serbia are in hot water, needing a result against mighty Argentina in their next match. Holland will face a similarly desperate Ivory Coast eam in a match that should be an absolute gem. This truly is the group of death. But not the worst in history. Get a load of this one from 1978: Argentina, Italy, France, Hungary. Insane.

Extra: Holland look like serious contenders to go all the way. England should watch their games and take notes because Sven's lead protectioning brand of play is going to lead to more heartbreak.

Day 2, Match 3

ARGENTINA WIN , BUT NOT EASILY

Argentina 2 Ivory Coast 1

Argentina seem to be under the radar entering this World Cup, mainly due to their atrocious showing in 2002. The lack of expectation may be a blessing in disguise and they showed today why they are one of the world's best against a very capable Ivory Coast team. This match was highly anticipated and it didn't disappoint.

Match Rating: 5 out of 5. Best game of the tournament so far. Great football. Argentina created numerous chances in the first half, including a shot that looked to go over the line. Ivory Coast had some good attempts of their own but left their comeback attempt a little bit late with Drogba netting around the 84th minute.

Player of the Match: Riquelme. Master of the Midfield. His free kick set up the first goal and he fed Saviola for the second.

Disappointment of the Match: The only disappointment is that someone had to lose this great contest and that an excellent team like Ivory Coast might not make the second round.

Huh? I learned something new today, the passive offside rule. When a shot or pass is delivered any number of players can be offside as long as the any player who features in the play is onside. Such was the case with Saviola's goal. There were two players offside at the top of the box but he timed his run just perfectly. Later on Argentina had a goal disallowed apparently on the same rule but I don't quite understand why. I'll get back to you on that one.

The Fallout: Argentina are off to a great start in the Group of Death. Even though the Ivorians lost Holland and Serbia should note that they are a team to be reckoned with. Based on the performance they showed today they may yet make it out of the group.

Extra: Crespo and Saviola were heavily tipped to star at the last World Cup, but Crespo played second fiddle to Batistuta and I don't think Saviola played at all. Four years late is better than never. At this cup Argentina still have players on the bench like Tevez and Messi. Scary.